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Posted by / 05-Jul-2017 07:13

Dating and relationships in china

Joining me was my coworker Dandan, our boss Angela, and Angela’s son Ben.

Since Dandan’s mom is from Yixing, and Angela is Dandan’s boss, Dandan’s mom did the polite thing and booked us an Audi A6 (black, of course) and a driver for the trip.

When Westerners come to Shanghai, their first impression is often that Chinese people are assholes. But there’s a deeper psychological reason: If you are my friend, I will empty my bank account for you; if you are a stranger, I will cut you in line.

Passengers crowd around the subway doors to board first. Rudeness to strangers is the flipside of deep bonds with loved ones.

This started a kind of politeness-fight: Dandan offered Lay’s chips, Angela refused and offered Cold Wonton in Peanut Sauce, and the driver refused both and pulled out bottles of Oolong Tea for everyone.

So what can a Westerner, especially a Northeastern American like me, learn from the Chinese about relationships?When my father flew to Fuzhou to give a lecture, the host university assigned a graduate student named Lily to accompany him.Once, she offered to carry his notebook for him, and he said “no, I’m fine.” Lily looked so dejected that he changed his mind and handed it to her anyway.Not surprisingly, Western men in Shanghai have a reputation for stinginess, or When I started dating “Jane,” I felt uneasy, because she wouldn’t say the sweet, flirtatious things I expected from a girlfriend.Once, I came home to Shanghai after a week in Indonesia, and instead of saying “I missed you! ”, she just launched into conversation as if we’d bumped into each other in the company cafeteria.

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Shanghai natives blame migrant laborers from the countryside, while Westerners blame “Chinese culture” — although the “Chinese” in Taiwan and Hong Kong are more polite.

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